Another lesson. Everyday seems to bring more learning. Deeper understanding. Those 'aha!' moments, full of insight, understanding. Sometimes they are shining lights of illumination and, on rare special occasions, inspiration. Yes! Today's lesson is about the reality that life is full of paradoxes (is that a word?) and contradictions. Sometimes the things that bring you great joy also harbor melancholy, sadness. Often, these occur at multiple levels.
This week our beautiful, talented, wise-beyond-her-years, daughter leaves for university. As with all parents, this has been a lifelong dream for us... for the entire family. My Mom, my Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, aunts, uncles... the list goes on. (We are Hispanic after all - everyone's related.) And, as the oldest grandchilden, first-born of all the cousins there is a special anticipation in seeing the first launch into the next phase of her life. So, are we all beaming with pride? Yes! Are we exicted for her? Of course. But while my heart is so swollen with pride that it's bigger than the sun, it's also spreading with tiny, cracks of sadness that are rapidly expanding as the "moving day" approaches. We will miss her sooo much.
For 18 1/2 years we've looked forward to this day. She's fullfilled all our expectations and shattered them. I know I'm her dad, but there has been no more perfect child (although for the record, until the age of 5, I was pretty damned good!). And now, this week feels like the Apocalypse, the last days of the Mayan calendar, Nostradamus probably wrote about this in one of the quatrains! As she follows her own heart, her own dreams, her own path... she moves a step away from ours. It's a little step, a baby step. But it feels like a step across the Grand Canyon, a Neil Armstrong's "one small step for man" kinda monumental, BIG step to me.
So, my lesson (re-learned and re-learned) is that life is a beautiful chaos (I stole this line but it's nice right?), a rollercoaster ride of emotions where great joy and deep sorrow blend and blossom. I've also learned (realized, once again) what my own parents must have gone through and likely, each and every time another of us went off. I recognize how precious those infrequent calls I made home must have been to them (and probably still are today). And how even as I succeeded (or didn't) along my path they were supportive of my choices even as they took me further and further away from them. But, I also know that the distance was physical not emotional. Even as our daughter moves to another city to begin a new chapter in her life, she'll never be one micro-meter (is THAT a term?) away from our hearts.
Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad. Bee... follow your heart and know we're always here.
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