El Árbol de la Familia: Mom et al.

My Mom, Yvonne Chapa, is the current matriarch of our family.  She’s the latest leader in a long line of strong-willed, independent-minded, beautifully-loving, nurturing, ultra-sacrificing women that form the roots, trunk and branches of our family tree.  Men are simply the leaves.  We collect rain, energy from the sun and bring it on home.  But, if not for the women who connect us all, we’d dry up and blow away with the wind.  OK, a little dramatic and we guys do more than just “leave”, but it’s mostly true.  The guys move away and start other branches.  My uncles all left to other cities.  My brother and I did the same.  It’s not about us, our “system” is about the women.

I have vague memories of my great grandmother - Ignacia Flores.  Mostly stories that have come from other family members.  She had 13 children and, after the last was born, she pretty much raised them on her own.  According to legend, my great grandfather Esteban died from wounds sustained in a battle during the Mexican revolution.  They had a small farm in Cuevitas, a little town right along this side of the Rio Grande.  When Esteban died, the boys (there were many) took over the farm: raising corn, chickens, hogs, etc.  Ignacia stared a small neighborhood store.  Strong stock, hard-working, non-apologetic, a real fighter, she did what had to be done during difficult times.

My Grandma Lilly, was 10^th of the thirteen.  She told me stories of dancing through fields as a girl, to and from school, chasing butterflies and picking flowers along the way.  Unaware of her poverty and hard life, she was a child in awe of nature.  To the day she died at 91, I could see the wonder and joy for life in her eyes.  Even after raising six kids of her own, on her own.  My grandfather Tony left when the youngest was close to five (maybe six?).  Although I asked her many times, she never told me exactly why he left or said a single negative thing about him, just that, “he decided to go his way and I went mine”.  Her way was to take two, sometimes three jobs at a time.  Again, she did what she had to do and never complained.  Her firm jaw was always set on moving forward.

Mom took up the mantle from Grandma Lilly.  She is the latest in the line and her training started early.  She became the “mom” of sorts when Grandpa Tony left and Grandma Lilly had to work.  She became a mom, in truth, at the age of 14 when I was born.  Her summer vacation after 8^th grade year was giving birth to me.  (I’d rather go to Cabo.)  As her eldest, I’ve seen her struggles, her perseverance, her quiet (OK, sometimes not THAT quiet) family leadership blossom and grow.  Mom is a survivor of the reality for which there is no show:  She overcame the infamy of unwed pregnancy, of being ostracized by her peers (but not for long), of the tragic death of a too-young, child, of a young love that distanced as it matured and much, much more than cannot be told here.

More than simply survive, Mom thrived!  She graduated from high school enduring “homebound” studies.  She finished college while serving as a teacher’s aide.  While teaching she received a Master’s in Education and now serves as a curriculum director for our hometown school district.  Along the way, she made sure her own kids were educated.  She remarried to a good man and helped raise three step-children in a way that we ALL now see each other as brothers and sisters.  We all have college degrees, some with Master’s and my “little” brother is a doctor.  (I’m in advertising so she obviously has one slightly bad apple, but still – not too shabby.)  Mom inspires us.  She set the bar high and EXPECTS us to raise it up another notch (or two).

Life can be hard.  Times get tough.  But, when you are rooted in the love of women like those in our family, when you know that if you fall there will be a soft net on which you will land, it’s easy to reaching skyward. I have two sisters, a sister-in-law and a hell of a wife that are all strong and capable of holding their own. It’s uncertain who will receive the torch next.  And, even writing about this I’m sure will create controversy.  But, I’m confident the exchange will not take place for many years to come.  And, one way or another, the tree will continue to grow.